Kyon Vs The World
by Queen Sydon
Summary: I'm fighting for my life against Haruhi's evil ex-boyfriends. She and Nagato are fighting over me. Either way, the world's going utterly crazy. Who do I choose? How do I even survive? Will there be anything left once this is over? KyonxHaruhi&Yuki.
1. Tea and the Hand of God

_AN: Time to start something a little more fresh and structured. Those in the know will guess just by the title what this fic will be a parody of. It's also a sequel to my other fanfic the Madness of Suzumiya Haruhi; though its not required reading by any means, it'll explain Yuki's change of behaviour. Now, please enjoy all you lovely people. May the power of rock and true love guide us on the righteous path...or something. Heh._

_Oh, and I'm going to incorporate little nods to various video games and other hip stuff in this fic. Try to find the blindingly obvious one in this chapter. _

**X**

**Kyon Vs The Worl****d**

**X**

_Tea and the Hand of God_

My life is a joke, I swear. You'd think that what I had to go through not too long ago, the powers that be would cut me some form of slack.

But no. I was literally fighting for my life on a daily basis, for what I believe to be the dumbest reason ever.

I'd long lost the patience required to tackle these sorts of things with a level head, and it didn't help that Haruhi and Nagato, of all people, were at odds with each other because of me.

Everything was spectacularly falling apart; my daily routine already burst at the seams with this insanity.

Then why was I still fighting? Well, let me sorta explain it you. Despite it all, I realized there were things in life worth fighting for.

How that so-called fighting took place was what pissed me off however.

And it all started on some chilly winter afternoon.

X

Haruhi was in high spirits, as is normal for this current period. The entirety of the five members that comprised the SOS Brigade where currently relaxing at a table outside a nameless coffee shop, myself included of course. Empty cups of tea went and returned refilled and near-boiling; their steam floating adamantly despite the bitter cold and falling snow. Why not just drink tea inside? Well, I think you can figure out who was responsible for that.

'It'll be fun!'

Freezing cold more like it. But not beyond my limits of tolerance. The steaming hot tea helped a bit anyway.

'Aren't you cold, Nagato?' I asked out of reflex. I knew she really didn't mind, but the rest of us were wearing padded parkas, mittens and scarves. She was wearing...well once again I think you can figure that out.

'I'm good.' She smiled, keeping her eyes on me as she took a gentle sip of her scalding tea.

'Seriously, Yuki.' Haruhi added, leaning forward from the seat right next to me. Her bright green parka russled as she moved. 'You're wearing a skirt in this weather! Sure it doesn't really bother you?'

Nagato just shrugged. 'I like snow.'

'Yeah...' Asahina sighed through a smile, cupping her cheeks with her adorable pom-pom adorned cyan mittens. 'As long as you're warm, it's really nice to look at.'

'It really is quite beautiful out here.' Koizumi interjected, gazing wistfully around him. 'It's like a scene from a gripping love story.'

Bit dramatic I think. But the girls seemed to agree, as they started chattering away about the latest rom-com movie that I'd probably watched but had absolutely no recollection of.

That reminded me of my situation. Haruhi and I were currently sorta dating.

Kinda.

Maybe.

I think?

Truth is, not much had actually changed between us. We would walk each other home from time to time. She was significantly nicer to me about once a week. And, once in a while, like today, she would offer to pay for all the expenses involved in an SOS Brigade outing.

Oh, wait. One more thing. And this probably was a big change, come to think of it. Excursions to town like this were actually normal affairs. Aka, it didn't involve seeking out aliens or other strange phenomena. It was, simply put, hanging out with friends. Calm. Normal.

And fun. For me.

I glanced at Haruhi as I thought those things. She caught me looking and smirked boyishly, following up with a little harder than playful elbow nudge.

'You ok there, grumpy?' She teased.

I said nothing, and just ruffled the top of her hair, shaking free a few loose snowflakes thad had camped in her bangs.

'H-hey!' She grumbled and pushed my hand away, pouting at me.

'You're calling me grumpy?' I replied, grinning. I heard Asahina and Nagato giggle to each other from across the table. Koizumi added his own geniune chuckle, and before long, the three of them were laughing at their Commander-in-Chief, who could only to blush bright pink at the assault.

'C'mon, that's insubordination! How dare you all mock me like that?' She cried, half-serious, half-amused.

'It's just so cute!' Asahina giggled quietly.

'You two are like an old married couple.' Nagato joked, downing the rest of her tea.

I felt my own face grow hot at that statement. Haruhi turned to me from the corner of my vision, so I spoke without thinking.

'What d'you say, Haruhi? Want to be an old married couple?'

The others laughed again, but Haruhi held her gaze on me for a little too long. I turned in my seat and met her stunned look.

'You're such an idiot.'

'Huh?' My own cup of tea froze right in front of my lips. And before I could think of anything clever to say, it became everyone's turn to laugh to me.

Hey, that was unfair. She didn't have to say like that...

'I'll buy you a ring when I retire.' I countered, sipping sagely from my own cup of tea.

...And I think I just burned my tongue.

Then, the table we were all sitting around exploded.

I remember only seeing red shards of ice and broken bits of teacup flying in every direction. Whatever the blast had been, it sent me and my chair flying outwards before crashing into a street divider so hard that I swear I heard my own spine pop. People screamed from all around me, I thought I heard someone call my name.

After steadying my blurred vision with a slap to the forehead, I took in the destruction around me.

There was a tall pillar of blood-crimson ice spiking out _through_ the concrete floor where our table had just been. Well, it was still there, just in pieces on the floor, along with several bits of porcelain and warped spoons.

I felt an urgent worry for my friends, and was somewhat relieved that they had fared better than myself.

Nagato and Haruhi had apparantly leapt away, and were thankfully unscathed. Koizumi had also evaded, and was currently shielding a terrified-looking Asahina from a crouching position on the floor.

I stood myself up from the chair, surprised that I hadn't been crippled, and noticed that Haruhi and the others were staring at something on the top of the red ice pillar.

Scratch that, _someone._

There was a man standing on the tip of the pillar. Platinum grey strands of perfect hair masked a beyond-typical bishounen face that, at the moment, was leering down straight at me with imperious malice.

The guy leapt ten feet in the air like a ninja and landed right in front of me.

As I instinctively stepped away, he slowly rose, staring at me with a pair of soulless blue eyes and a self-satisfied smirk. Despite how surprised I was, I subconsciously noted just how stupid his outfit looked. He was wearing a white puffed-up sleeveless vest over a black leather jacket, tight jeans and...cowboy boots?

Then, the weirdo pointed a menacing finger at me and yelled:

'Your name!'

'What...?'

'I asked for YOUR NAME!'

'Uhhh, Kyon.'

Ugh, that just slipped out. Thanks a bunch Haruhi.

'Kyon WHAT?'

'Just Kyon.'

Thank you SO much.

'Well then, "Just Kyon." Time to see if you live up to your name!'

Who...was this guy? And did he have to scream everything?

'Hang on, what did I do? Who are you?'

The guy flicked his hair back. I swear I saw sparkles coming from it.

'Hah! So SHE didn't tell you!' He dramatically jerked his chin towards the form of Haruhi, standing several feet away behind him. There was something about her shocked face that I picked up. Was that...recognition? Did she know this clown?

'Haruhi, what the hell is going on?' I asked her, concerned. 'You know who this guy is?'

She was at a loss. Not something that happened often with her. But the look she wore really did say it all. As did what she said next.

'Jim! What're you doing?' Haruhi gasped with a surprised and angry tone. Nagato, Asahina, and Koizumi all looked to her, seemingly coming to the same conclusion as me.

'Save it! You know what I'm here to do!' "Jim" snapped at her and turned his attention back to me. Oh, crap. This guy was at least a head taller. And did he have magic powers or what with that entrance!

'I am Jim Kisaragi! Haruhi's first Evil Ex Boyfriend! Now we will fight to the death for Haruhi's love!'

Then he charged at me, fist raised and yelling a furious battlecry.

'Wait...'

'Hee-yyyYYYAAARGH!'

His giant fist loomed closer.

'...just a damned...'

Jim wasn't even touching the ground now.

'SECOND!'

The attack collided with my arm as I parried at the last second. Not wasting the opportunity, I drove my free hand up in a ripping uppercut that _smashed _into his chin, flinging Jim up into the air.

No way...not again. I should NOT have been able to do that.

Haruhi and Nagato gasped in shock. Koizumi stared bug-eyed at me. Asahina gave off a frightened squeal.

Jim Kisaragi recoved in midair with a graceful flip and landed hard with a shattering shockwave, kicking up a spiderweb of cracks under his idiotic boots.

'Unexpected.' He bared his teeth with an arrogant grin. 'You have some skill. But nothing I haven't seen before!'

'Can you please stop yelling?'

I just had to ask. Wether he heard me or not, Jim rushed forward and attacked again.

He threw a flurry of lightning quick punches and kicks at every height. I blocked and weaved incredibly, throwing out my own attacks which he reversed in turn. Faster and faster we attacked, to the point where our limbs blurred into an indistinguishable...well blur.

I saw an opening. A thousandth of a second opening, but I saw it. So with this strength that I thought lost, I lashed out a roundhouse and drove my foot into Jim's stomach. Using the momentum, I flung him to the side and sent him smashing right through a wall across the street in an explosion of dust and bricks.

A tense silence followed, in which I surveyed my surroundings for a moment. There were people everywhere, gawking at me from a distance. Some in awe, others in fear, but generally in disbelief. Had someone called the police yet or what? And...did I just kill that guy?

Before I could ponder the thought, a flash of red tore right past me head. I quickly turned my head upwards from where it came from. Jim was airborne, flying down at me like a torpedo.

I jumped to the side just as Jim slammed into the ground at my feet.

'Too slow.'

Oh sh-

A burst of crimson ice erupted all over Jim's point of impact. It shot upwards from my feet. Too close. I couldn't dodge.

'WagH!'

The stuff burned! It grew up around my legs rapidly, already clearing my waist. I tried to somehow stop the flow with my hands, but as soon as my fingers touched the red ice, it suddenly spread up my arms too!

Jim Kisaragi just stood there, smiling like a smug bastard.

'How does it feel to have the icy burn of my-'

In a flash, I saw a familiar school sneaker simply clean Jim's head from my view. In its place, I saw Nagato, teeth gnashed together in a menacing snarl, still floating in midair slow-mo from the incredible kick she had just unleashed.

It was beautiful.

As soon she landed from the attack, she thrust her hand forward and slammed the red ice that was growing over my chest with an open palm. I didn't feel a thing, but the ice around me shattered instantly, taking with it the horrific burning sensation that had almost made me black out.

The pain lingered for a bit, but I managed to remain standing. Nagato was still in front of me, but her head was turned to the side.

She was glaring at Jim, who had just pried himself out of a brick wall from the other side of the street, dislodging a few chunks of concrete in the process.

Despite being kicked across the head by an Alien God, Jim simply dusted himself off like it had been a minor annoyance.

'A guardian angel? How pathetic.' He spat, running a hand through his still-pristine silver hair. 'We'll settle this later, Just Kyon!'

And then...he _flew_.

'What.' I blurted.

Jim Kisaragi just soared right off the street, over a random building and out of sight.

Another uncomfortable silence. I turned to Nagato briefly, who looked about as bewildered and confused as I felt.

'So...what's going on?' I ask calmly.

Nagato smirked ruefully.

'Well, I'm not too sure. But I know who to ask.'

Right on cue, Haruhi approached us with Asahina and Koizumi in tow.

'Kyon...' She murmured, eyes wide in astonishment. 'You're...'

Me?

'So...AMAZING!'

Haruhi was overjoyed, her face glowing bright with child-like wonder.

'Well...' Nagato piped up, rubbing her hair gingerly. '...I wonder what happens now?'

I don't have a damn clue, and Haruhi...

...Please stop staring at me like that.

X

(OMAKE)

'How does it feel to have the icy burn of my-'

In a flash, I saw a familiar school sneaker simply clean Jim's head from my view. In its place, I saw Nagato, teeth gnashed together in a menacing snarl, still floating in midair slow-mo from the incredible kick she had just unleashed.

It was beautiful.

As soon she landed from the attack, she thrust her hand forward and slammed the red ice that was growing over my chest with an open palm. I didn't feel a thing, but the ice around me shattered instantly, taking with it the horrific burning sensation that had almost made me black out.

The pain lingered for a bit, but I managed to remain standing. Nagato was still in front of me, but her head was turned to the side.

Though the situation didn't really call for it, I felt like I just had to say something.

'Hey, Nagato.'

'Huh?' She turned to me, slightly puzzled.

'Stripes. It suits you.'

At first she continued to fix me with a perplexed look. Then, sudden realization kicked in. Eyes widened to saucers. Mouth agape in shock. Her face lit up bright crimson.

Last thing I remember was seeing that same shoe flying towards my face.

X

_AN: Please review everyone! It would make me so happy to get some feedback. _

_Cheers then!_


	2. Another Girl, it's Allright

_AN: Thanks to the reviewers, and I hope you stick with the story. Here we go. _

**ii**

_Another Girl, it's Allright  
_

Haruhi and I hadn't been dating long, and as I mentioned earlier, it didn't really change much of the happenings around us. I hadn't even been to her house, nor she to mine. We hadn't even "done it" yet.

Wait, not THAT. Don't jump to conclusions! I meant...kiss her. Well, I've sorta done it already, just...not in the "real" world. My first kiss was more of an act of impulsiveness and desperation. Even now, thinking about it, I doubt it even took place. It was a like a vague shadow of a repressed memory, like an episode of a TV show you probably watched but can't recall.

Anyway, after the stupidity of the afternoon, I had just wanted to call it a day. And so after saying some hurried goodbyes, I split from my friends and the destruction that Jim Kisaragi had caused. Haruhi had been reluctant to let me go, however. An absolute shocker to everyone. And she was none to subtle about it. Haruhi would continue to gush praise and fervent questions my way with a tenacity that was surprising even to her. I realized how it must've looked, me the painfully-average Kyon of the SOS Brigade, suddenly kicking ten kinds of ass against a magic ice-wielding bishounen. It really was something right out of a manga.

However, I didn't like how she was treating me. Why, you ask? Well, to be frank, this power just isn't me. Isn't a part of me. Suddenly she was super interested, and not for a second between her ceaseless ramblings did she stop and try and tell me just who exactly Jim Kisaragi was. Her ex-boyfriend, he had mentioned, sure. But to what extent? How long had they dated for? Had they...done anything?

It pissed me off a little. But it shouldn't have. Why was I so interested in what that guy and Haruhi had gotten up to? I was acting like a child. Whatever the case for now, I just wanted to go home and clear my head.

I stepped out of the taxi, paid my fare and started walking through the bitter cold to my front door.

But wait...

_*Rustle rustle*_

That sound...

I turned around quickly, fighting stance locked in, scanning every inch of my surroundings for a sign of danger.

The snow fell quietly around me, nothing stirred. A car sounded its horn a distance away.

No, I...felt it somehow. A prescence nearby, watching me. Was it that guy again? How persistant...and annoying.

'Come on out! I know you're there!' I yelled, sounding a bit too full-of-myself.

_Rustle_

A figure stepped out from a bush near the driveway of my house; a bush I'm certain wasn't there yesterday.

'...Hi, Kyon'

Woah.

'N-nagato!' I blabbered, quickly dropping my fighting stance, which probably had looked supremely stupid. Sure enough, Nagato Yuki was standing there, looking pensive and uncomfortable, with the bush she had been hiding in before vanishing as soon as I took my eyes of it.

'Are you ok?' I ask on reflex. She had really given me a start. Had it been Koizumi popping up out of nowhere like that, I probably would've socked him one. 'I thought you...went home or something.'

Nagato shook her head, fixing me with a sudden determined look. I wondered what was wrong with her, but what she said next utterly shocked me.

'Can I come in?'

No way. It was already getting dark, and she wanted to come inside my home? What...was she up to?

Despite suddenly feeling beyond embarassed and nervous, I spoke without thinking.

'Sure, come in. Do you want some tea?'

X

This was awkward. After quickly ushering Nagato into my home, and not having to explain anything to my absent family, I let her into my room.

Nagato sat herself on my bed; legs together, hands folded on her lap. She was quiet, pensive.

And every second she just sat there, staring at the wall made me more and more uncomfortable.

I thought to ask her about Jim whatshisname, and how that guy seemingly had magic powers.

'Hey Nagato, few questions.'

She jumped in surprise, turning towards me, wide-eyed.

'Oh! I'm sorry. What'd you say?'

I temporarily forgot what my name was for a second. She wasn't normally _this _nervous.

'Uhh, I meant to ask about that guy, Jim.' I found my voice in the nick of time. I felt silly standing there, so I swiveled my desk chair around and sat opposite her. 'What the hell is he?' And what's Haruhi going to think, seeing someone use powers like that?'

Nagato focused her eyes on me, thinking hard.

'Right, that's what I wanted to talk about.' Her voice steadied with seriousness. It put me at ease too. 'Jim Kisaragi attended Haruhi's previous school. They dated for about one day, before she broke it off without explanation. As for his powers to generate red ice with lethal capablities, I don't have any data to explain how that's possible.'

'Really? You don't think it was some sort of trick?'

She shook her head, resting back on my bed with her arms. 'If it was, I would've seen it instantly. That and the way he left the scene was...'

Oh yeah, he pulled a Superman. Some elaborate wire mechanism? No, that sounded too stupid.

'So he actually has powers. Perfect.' I sighed. Then I recalled something else important. 'Oh yeah, Nagato...'

'Yes?' She raised her eyebrows, voice quivering a tiny bit.

I held up my right arm, its power rippling through to my fingertips. 'My arm, the power Haruhi gave me. It's back.'

She nodded at that, smiling a little. Hey, this isn't funny.

'Yup, I figured. After all...' Nagato paused momentarily, staring down her shoulder as she fiddled with my sheets a little. '...You were pretty awesome.'

My face grew hot. The air heavy. W-what the heck? Maybe I should open a window.

'But how?' I quickly asked, desperate to shift the atmosphere. 'What made it come back?'

At that question, Nagato stiffened; her body language demured.

'It was Suzumiya.'

Something about her tone was off...

'Her desire for you to be something more. To be able to protect yourself, and the way of life you two share. For it to manifest in this way again must have something to do with any events or media she's experienced in the past.'

In the form of a super-powered arm that gave the bearer inhuman fighting ability? Just what movie did she get that from? But more importantly, Haruhi apparantly wanted this for me. The power to defend myself.

'Also, because Haruhi watched the battle, it will probably affect the boundaries of this reality.'

I...did not like the sound of that.

'What's that mean, exactly?'

Nagato russled her hair, looking off to the side.

'Well, things like you saw today, will become more...how to say...common.'

That's the last thing I wanted to hear. I was going to be fighting stupendous battles daily now was I? How irritating. I had homework to do y'know.

'Urgh...' I slumped forward in my chair, resting my forehead on the rim. 'Haruhi sure has a way of complicating things, huh?'

Sitting like that for a while, I noticed Nagato hadn't followed up with anymore talk. Why was she so quiet now? Did I say something to upset her?

I raised my head and looked over at her. She was still there, tense and unmoving. Waiting silently.

Staring at her got me thinking. Every time mention of Haruhi came up, she'd get a little defensive. And me not being the utter naive idiot in anime shows, I figured what must've been on her mind.

Question is, what could I do to keep her happy? She was so sweet, and an irreplacable friend to me. I should tell her this, that no matter what I'm doing with Haruhi, or anyone else for that matter, I'd still be here.

But I stayed silent. The words I knew I wanted to say swam about in my head in a jumbled mess I couldn't piece together.

Say something, for god's sake!

'Nagato...'

She looked at me, tired with a tinge of sadness.

C'mon, just tell her. _You're such a great girl. I'll always be here. _

Still couldn't.

Instead, with my face burning and confidence all but nought, I ambled over to my bed and sat down next to her.

Before I could say anything, she reached over and gently took hold of my hand, smiling a little.

'Kyon, it's Ok.' She reassured, keeeping her eyes locked on our hands. 'You don't have to say anything. It's fine like this.'

My nervousness increased tenfold when she shifted closer to me, gazing into my eyes. I could feel her soft breath tickle my chin.

What do I do? This is too fast! S-stop shaking, dammit!

Nagato closed her eyes, exhaling slowly.

My mind blanked, unknown forces urged my own face towards her. My heartbeat reached an unbelievable peak.

Then I stopped, just shy of brushing her lips.

She opened her eyes, staring back at me wistfully. I could see my own pathetic reflection in them.

I shuffled away from her, turning away. I couldn't look at her face.

Apology time, maybe?

...to who?

'Nagato, you're a good friend.' I mumbled like a jackass.

I tried my hardest to follow up with something eloquent. But a sudden bout of mild nausea numbed my mind.

'Kyon.'

With whatever self-worth I could muster, I managed to meet her face. She seemed oddly happy and content. Part of me thought she'd be in tears or something.

'You really are a nice guy.'

She stated it like a fact. Don't know if I'd agree with her though.

Nagato stood up from bed, now smiling cheerily.

'...and I'm sorry. That was selfish of me.'

Her eyes hardened with determination.

'It doesn't matter what's going on. I'll protect you, protect Haruhi. Everyone.'

Then that pep that I adored about her returned.

'So!' She winked, making a tacky pointing gesture. 'Don't worry, yeah?'

I felt a smile crawl over my face. There was no helping it. I felt better already.

'Yeah. It'll work out, huh?'

Nothing's killed me yet. Oh wait...

'I better go then.' She announced, hopping over to the...window? 'See you at school, Kyon!'

She jumped out of my room with a quick wave, leaving me alone with my thoughts at last.

Or so I thought. My phone hummed abruptly from my desk, scaring the hell out of me.

Flicking it open, I noticed the new message icon blinking on the screen. It was from Haruhi:

**kyon**

**luv u**

**teach me thse moves tmmrw! **

I stared at the screen, reading those words over and over.

**luv u**

Love you.

My finger hovered over the 'reply' button. What to say?

...

**see you at school**

...I'm such a mess. What the hell was I going to do?

X

(OMAKE)

My finger hovered over the 'reply' button. What to say?

I'm not sure how I did it, but the inhibitions of my being simply vanished as I started to type a message back; one straight from my heart, my inner being.

**We've known each other for a while now. And through our adventures and conversations, I can honestly say that I would never have it any other way. I hope you stay in my life forever. I love you so much. **

My heart raced as I touched up the grammar and quickly sent the message out.

Wait a second.

My phone displayed a notification message. One that made my blood run cold _backwards_.

**Your message has been sent to Koizumi I**

AAAARGH!

X

_AN: Woo, this is fun to write. Please review everybody! I'll reply to them all. I really appreciate every bit of input and feedback. Thank you!_


	3. Number One, Jim Kisaragi!

_AN: Whaddup people! Long-ish chapter this time round. Any harsh criticism or flames mucho appreciated. _

_X  
No.1 Prince of Crimson Ice, Jim Kisaragi!  
X_

Walking to school. Uphill. Cloudy. Not too bad.

'Hey! Kyon, wait up!' A familiar call rang out from behind me. I turned to see my good friend running at me...

What the hell?

Nagato jogged towards me, skidding to a halt; her backpack whipping around crazily.

'Morning, Nagato-san.' I greeted her calmly, trying to hide my surprise. I don't recall ever seeing her take this route to school. Her apartment building was way over in the other direction.

Nagato tilted her head. 'Hm? Kyon, what's wrong? You look a little spaced out.'

'It's nothing.' I waved my hand, resuming my walk. 'Let's head to school.'

She picked up her step and moved beside me, swaying her bag as she walked. It was hard not to stare. I did notice several other students gawking at us as they went by, some girls even whispering to eachother.

'Nagato,' I whispered to her. 'This is a little suspicious, don't you think?'

She continued walking, but fixed me with a stern look.

'He's close.'

Oh. Great. At least let me get to school. He wouldn't attack while I'm in class. Right? Maybe I'm hoping for too much.

'Stay close to me, Kyon. I won't be able to interfere too much, but I can still protect you.'

I smiled, feeling reassured. 'Thanks Nagato, you're the best.'

She chuckled, grinning cheekily.

X

'Like this, right?' Haruhi yelled excitedly, throwing out a mean roundhouse kick that smashed one of the classroom chairs into a wall.

'Woah, what're you doing?'

'Whoops. Well, show me how you do it then.'

'Not now.'

Morning period was about to begin. Though, Haruhi made sure it wasn't a quiet one. After everyone was seated and the teacher present, school officially started.

Random teachings flew by like pale mist. I could barely pay attention. Half the time I didn't even know what subject I was supposed to be learning. I kept thinking of recent events, of Haruhi...and Nagato.

Whenever I started to daydream too much, Haruhi would poke me in the back with her pen. I would turn in my seat to retort, only to see her hunkered down and working, doing a poor job of masking the cheeky grin on her face.

Urgh, Haruhi. I'm trying to worry here.

Mercifully, the first break period arrived before my brain melted of sheer boredom. Haruhi and I ate our boxed lunches together in the classroom as normal. Though I didn't have the time to even chew my food, let alone answer her ceaseless questions.

'How'd you move that fast?'

'That uppercut. Hya! Right?'

I explained in whatever way I could without sounding completely stupid. In other words, I just mumbled "I dunno" a bunch of times. What else was I supposed to say? The truth wasn't an option. And I was no good at telling intricate lies, especially to people like Haruhi who spotted this kind of thing a mile away. From myself at least.

Hang on. There was something _I _wanted to ask.

'Haruhi.'

'Eh?'

She's more focused on finishing the remaining contents of my own lunch.

'Tell me about Jim Kisaragi.'

Haruhi paused her devouring of my food for a second, mildly surprised.

'Oh, him.' She grumbled. 'Well, he asked me out about two years ago. I accepted. He was boring. I ended it.'

Ouch. No wonder the guy was so pissed off.

'Any clue as to how he pulled off those crazy tricks?' I pressed further. Whatever I could dicern about him that would be critical in a moment of not dying would help a lot.

Haruhi shook her head. 'I don't remember anything like that.'

Nothing? Well at least tell me...

'How many guys asked you out in your previous school?'

That particular question seemed to ignite something behind her already fiery eyes.

'That's not important, Kyon!' She yelled, slamming her chopsticks down on the table. 'They were all a bunch of boring, perverted potatoes!'

Potatoes?

'Allight, I get it, calm down.'

'Why d'you care anyway?'

'Well, one of those potatoes tried to destroy me for starters!'

That last one came out a little too loud. Haruhi was surprised, and maybe even a little hurt. Argh, can't we ever have a normal conversation?

'Hmph!' She suddenly shot out of her seat. 'Who do you think you are, berating your Brigade Chief like that?'

I wasn't berating! Stop making so much noise!

Haruhi growled something incoherant and left the classroom in a hurry, slamming the door behind her so hard that a few bits of chalk from the teachers desk clattered to the floor.

Honestly. All I did was ask a few questions about her past. What was the big deal?

Taniguchi strode over to me, taking Haruhi's now-absent seat. I was even more annoyed.

'Heh, what's up her ass I wonder?'

Ever the poet, Taniguchi.

Class started once again a few minutes later, but to my geniune surprise, Haruhi didn't return. She'd never leave during the middle of a school day. Heck, she never skipped school at all. I immediately became worried, but Okabe-sensei pressed the lesson on, Haruhi or no.

If it was hard to concentrate before, it was beyond impossible now. Okabe-sensei may as well have been making random noise. Haruhi's empty seat was yelling silent behind me.

My arm too...it was burning. I wouldn't be surprised if my sleeve caught fire now. Damn it stings! What the heck does it mean?

I couldn't take it anymore, so I just stood from my seat and headed for the door; ignoring my stunned classmates.

The intercom suddenly blared to life, just as I was about to exit. I almost ignored it, but the insipid and narmy voice that screeched through the room stopped me cold.

_'Hello all you mindless drones of North High...'_

...Are you kidding me?

_'This is Jim Kisaragi. And I have an important message for one of you.' _

Oh gee, I wonder who?

_'Will Just Kyon kindly make his way to the roof for a fight to the death? And just in case you think of not showing up...' _

Another, much more familiar voice rang out.

_'Hey you JERK! Let go! Kyon! Get up here and kick him right in the-!'_

The intercom shrieked in feedback protest.

_'Don't keep me waiting, loser!' _*CLICK*

Haruhi was in danger. Was that even possible? Whatever the case, I was more pissed off now than that time Koizumi actually beat me at checkers.

I didn't wait for Okabe-sensei to say anything as I threw open the door and ran for the stairs.

Everything blurred with speed around me. I could barely see where I was going, but all I could think about was Haruhi...and punching that Jim bastard in his stupid face.

I reached the rooftop door, not caring wether it was locked or barred shut, and slammed right through it, popping the thing right off its hinges.

The door itself flew end-over-end and flew off into the afternoon sky, never losing speed. I wasn't surprised.

Jim Kisaragi was waiting for me allright. He sat on the far side atop a crude throne composed of crimson ice, glaring down at me. Haruhi was next to him, arms crossed and fuming, locked away in a prison of shards that surrounded her. When she saw me, a devilish smile crept onto her face. She thrust her hand to the side and pointed at Jim.

'Kyon! Show this idiot how it's done! That's an order from your Brigade Chief!' She yelled boisteriously.

How about that? An order from Haruhi that I'd more than happily carry out.

'Well, well, well...' Jim paused awkwardly for a moment. '...well!'

He leapt upwards, spun in the air like a ninja, and landed hard on his feet in front of me. His ice throne shattered behind him in tune. How dramatic.

'This time it's just you and me.' Jim started pacing randomly, flicking his hair. 'We're gonna settle our score for good.'

Is he reciting a script? Yare yare...

'Let Haruhi go. She may have dumped you in the past, but that's no reason to want to do something like this.'

Jim smirked.

'You'll have to defeat me first.'

Woah, didn't see that coming.

'Sheesh, whatever.'

I took a fighting stance. Jim followed suit. In a flash, he leapt at me and unleashed a combo of furious left and right hooks at my head. I blocked and parried easily, nullifying the tremendous force behind his punches with swift movements. When Jim's assault slackened, I rushed in and returned the favour ten-fold; punching and kicking at every unguarded spot in his defense.

'Yeah, do it! No, left, no RIGHT! Watch his feet!'

Haruhi screamed at me from the sidelines. At one point, she accidently gripped one of the ice shards in her excitement.

*SSST!*

'YOW!'

A lunging roundhouse kick flew right over my head, grazing my hair. I thrust an uppercut into his face, but with his insane speed, Jim actually caught my fist.

I blanched when that horrible pain from the other day returned. Jim's ice was encrusting over my caught fist with ludicrous speed.

Oh crap, not this again!

Without thinking, I ducked low and swept out my left leg, hooking Jim's feet in one swift motion.

'What the-!'

Without his momentum, the grip on my fist slackened. And as the bastard fell to the floor, I took my ice-encased fist and _slammed _it into his nose, driving his entire head down to the ground.

Concrete shattered under the gut-wrenching impact. For a second, I was again worried that I may have taken it a bit too far.

I stepped away from the dust cloud that had formed over Jim's body. When it cleared, he was definitely still there, lying limp with a huge crater behind his head like a halo of pain.

'Ugh...gahck...' He sputtered, rising slowly. His hair was tussled and dirty now, and his nose a little off center. Not so bishi now huh?

'So...you're learning to control it.'

My arm, I guess. Now that he mentioned it, his attacks and movements had felt much slower than before.

Jim was standing now, albeit shakily. The look of pure hatred that he shot my way unnerved me...almost.

'Not surprising. I'm only the first of the League of Evil Ex-Boyfriends.'

I'm gonna call it LEEB if you don't mind.

'However...'

A maniacal smile crossed his battered features.

'I think I'll take her down with me!'

As he said this, Jim raised his arm like he was reaching to something. My stomach tightened in fear when I realized he was pointing towards Haruhi's ice cage.

'Say goodbye, Haruhi.' He laughed hysterically. 'You'll regret the day you dumped Jim Kisaragi!'

Oh no. No! Do something! Move! She's going to-!

I watched in petrified horror as the ice cage around Haruhi near-instantly closed in around her, razor sharp shards of ice knifing towards her at every angle. She didn't even realize what was going on, it was happening way too fast.

Somehow, in that moment of time, I knew what I had to do. An epiphany it's called, I think. There's no explaining it.

I raised my Godhand over my head and brought it down in a vicous slicing karate-chop. A burst of raw energy tore away from my hand in a projectile shockwave that ripped its way across the floor in blinding speed.

The ground was shredded apart around it as it closed in in nano-seconds and _smashed _the Jim's ice prison apart in a seismic blast of crimson shards and taxpayer dollars.

Haruhi just stood dumbfounded as the tiny splinters of her cage sprinkled outwards around her like glinting snow.

Jim was at a loss. He couldn't comprehend what I'd just pulled off. His now-fearful eyes rested on me, completely void of that pompous arrogance.

'This is...' He stammered. '...impossible.'

Then, finally, Jim Kisaragi fell forward and landed hard on the floor.

As the dust settled over the destruction, Haruhi bolted towards me with reckless abandon.

Oh, here we go. Another round of praise and-

'What the hell were you thinking, Kyon!'

Huh?

She stood almost nose to nose with me, glaring admonishingly into my eyes.

'You almost killed the Brigade Chief with those reckless moves! _And_ you deserve a penalty for taking so long to get here!'

...What did I expect? A hug? Was that really so much to ask for?

'But...'

Her voice softened suddenly. She averted her gaze to my shoes.

'...I'm glad you came. You were awesome, Kyon-kun.'

Well, that's better.

Wait a sec.

She called me, _Kyon-kun. _

'Haruhi,' I breathed.

The very air shifted it seemed. For that split-moment, Haruhi was a just a shy highschool girl.

My heart raced. She was so close. I could see the pale-tinge of pink on her cheeks.

This is it. Even I could tell. The moment of truth.

I mustered my bravery, and gently placed my hands on her shoulders, pulling her closer.

'Kyon-kun, I- Oh!'

A voice from behind annihilated the moment. I whirled around and saw Nagato in the stairway door, looking both relieved and extremely uncomfortable.

'Yuki!' Haruhi greeted her cheerily, moving away from me. 'You should've seen it. Kyon was amazing!'

'I'll bet.' She replied nervously, her eyes flicking to me momentarily. 'You guys ok?'

'Yup. We're good. C'mon, let's head back to class. A climatic battle is no excuse to skimp on your studies!'

Damn, she's resilient. How can she brush this off like it was nothing?

'Umm, can you go on ahead, Haruhi? There's something I need to say to Kyon-kun first.' Nagato asked timidly.

I half-expected Haruhi to blurt out some suspicious query.

'Oh, sure. Probably wanna discuss your secret techniques, huh? Don't take too long though.'

She left through the doorway, leaving Nagato and myself alone.

Nagato quickly moved over to Jim's unconscious body and held her hands over his chest. Then she stood up and faced me, breathing a sigh of relief.

'I've over-written Jim Kisaragi's data. He'll no longer have powers. Plus, I took the liberty of removing his memories associated with Suzumiya Haruhi.'

Is she allowed to do that? Oh wait, she didn't answer to anyone anymore. Thanks to that whole "incident" from a few weeks ago. No, I'm not going to recite it here.

'It's strange though...' She added, moving to my side, cupping her chin with a miniscule hand. 'His data was very irregular. Nothing I've ever seen before.'

'What does it mean?'

'I'm not sure. But there's definitely an outside party involved.'

Urgh, I really don't want to worry about it now.

'I'll take care of the mess up here, oh and one other thing...'

Nagato approached me warily. That look in her eyes again...

'...Take care...Ok?'

This sudden melancholy again. She kept watching me as a silent breeze tussled her hair gently.

Oh man. Nagato, please...

'Seeya...' I muttered, walking back through the stairway door. I could still feel her eyes on me.

Why was she doing this? Haruhi and I were together now. Yet she seemed insistent on getting closer to me. I like you Nagato, but you of all people should know it wouldn't work.

Right? This is how it's supposed to be.

I was with Haruhi because I liked her. I wanted to be with her.

...Yeah.

Of course.

...

_I can wait, Kyon-kun. No matter how long it takes, I can wait. _

What am I going to do?

X

(OMAKE!)

Nagato quickly moved over to Jim's unconscious body and held her hands over his chest. Then she stood up and faced me, breathing a sigh of relief.

'I've over-written Jim Kisaragi's data. He'll no longer have powers. Plus, I took the liberty of removing his wallet from his pants.'

'Nagato, what are you doing?' I ask incredously. 'That money belongs to me!'

She dropped the wallet and faced me, eyes shining with sheer power and malice. The sky above darkened into choking black clouds. Thunder cracked and rain poured down in torrents.

'Bring it on, Kyon-kun.'

(SCENE MISSING)


End file.
